I have recently started to take great pleasure in exploring the limits of human stupidity. One of my all time favourite stars in this rather fast growing field is Pat Robertson. He is a crazy, old, Bible toting Televangelist now, with millions watching him and sending him money that he uses to please God. He once tried to get the Republican nomination for the US Presidency, because God asked him to. But back then, Satan had more power over the Northern Hemisphere than God, and somehow he lost.
I wonder how the world would have been had he been elected President.
Now, this guy has a hotline to God and sometimes gets the inside track on things…
He predicted that the world would come to an end by 1982.
In May 2006, Robertson declared that storms and possibly a tsunami would hit America’s coastline sometime in 2006. Robertson supposedly received this revelation from God during an annual personal prayer retreat in January. The claim was repeated four times on The 700 Club.
On the January 2, 2007, broadcast of The 700 Club, Robertson said that God spoke to him and told him that “mass killings” were to come during 2007, due to a terrorist attack on the United States. He added, “The Lord didn’t say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that.” When a terrorist attack failed to happen in 2007, Robertson said, in January 2008, “All I can think is that somehow the people of God prayed and God in his mercy spared us.”
On the January 2, 2008, episode of The 700 Club, Pat Robertson predicted that 2008 would be a year of worldwide violence. He also predicted that a recession would occur in the United States that would be followed by a stock market crash by 2010.
In October 2008 Robertson posted a press release on the Georgian Conflict speculating that the conflict is a Russian ploy to enter the Middle East, and that instability caused by a predicted pre-emptive strike by Israel on Iran would result in Syria’s and Iran’s launching nuclear strikes on other targets. He also said that if the United States were to oppose Russia’s expansion, nuclear strikes on American soil are also pending. “We will suffer grave economic damage, but will not engage in military action to stop the conflict. However, we may not be spared nuclear strikes against coastal cities. In conclusion, it is my opinion that we have between 75 and 120 days before the Middle East starts spinning out of control.”
On his New Years broadcast, 2009, Robertson said, “If I’m hearing [God] right, gold will go to about $1900 dollars an ounce and oil to $300 a barrel.” He also suggested that Americans would broadly accept socialism. Despite these predictions, he also said that economically, “things are getting ready to turn around.”
The above statements were lifted from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pat_Robertson.
Most recently, as we read in the newspapers, he said that Haitians had made a deal with the Devil to free themselves of the French rule. During that time, Satan was in the business of decolonisation as God was on the side of the white guys as they resembled the angels on St.Peter’s Cathedral more closely.
But, as it turns out more often than not, Satan screwed them over badly in the deal and they have been taking his piss ever since. Now, the Queen of Great Britain has decided that maintaining colonies is too much trouble and it is better to resort to more subtle economic imperialism and has decided that America is a better ally than God as American is on the side of Satan nowadays. Therefore, good ol’ Patty thinks that God might give a sh*t and save the Haitians if he prays for them. Infact, he is sending over his prayer warriors in their personal jets on money minted by the God mint to try and save them.
For those people who don,t know the addresses of the Red Cross or their own Governments, Patty has also offered to take their money and forward it to the above said agencies.
Watch the video before you start praying…
America, the land of fat Bob and blonde Betsy, the land of the wise, has done well to pay heed to Patty as America is now the “THE BEST” country in the world. Everyone in America except of course the homosexuals and abortionists is happy. Pat’s net worth is now estimated to be between 200 million and 1 billion dollars thanks to the liberal contributions of all the God fearing people in America. So, obviously, he is very happy too! Just check out the link on Pat Roberston above.
God does work in mysterious ways…!