I just finished screwing up “most securely” my first sessionals. I have never had a worse test series in my life( including my catechism classes…and thats saying something!!). Infact I might most probably fail for all the alternate exams. Remember the saying, “Well begun is half DONE!” So, I am nearly “done” for!
I am feeling really low now. I just finished evaluating the knowledge and skills that I have accumulated till now, and it really made me see how much more I had to go to achieve my dream of being the super engineer… Till now, I never gave much thought to my exam marks, because I was confident in my knowledge of the subject. What makes the recent catastrophe even more bitter is my realisation that there are so many things that I am supposed to know, but dont. Believe me!!! Its a sick feeling. The realisation that you dont measure up to your ambitions is something that is very disconcerting. Whats more, it just keeps getting harder and harder to catch up. I know that there is no use blaming the system, but thats all I feel like doing now…
On the sunnier side, I had a long walk today with Thumbi and Veliyettan, and we discussed among other things, our exams, clutch, solitude, crow shit and speculated on similar other important metaphysical topics. When I returned I was feeling a lot better. And by the way Shamil(one of the class toppers) has been given a new name-Chathamangalom Chathan. Hope, it catches on the same way as “Thumbi” did.
Its morning 2 o clock now. I probably should be getting some sleep now… Or maybe I will finish watching Katyn before that.